is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
