His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
