u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
