im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
