i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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