i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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