this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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