but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
