...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We just shotgunned beers for America
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
