holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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