i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
