actually, I'm a sock model
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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