You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize