my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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