I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
