im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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