he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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