I want to walk on stilts...naked
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
