Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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