he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
