My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
