you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
