I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also, beer. Big fan.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
