I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well you can't waste a boner
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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