I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
