I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
