just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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