you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
