things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
