Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
ttyl tear gas
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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