my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
