when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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