It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
