I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
