why didn't you poke me back
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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