is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
