you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
