Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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