I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
