Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
