maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
