honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
