I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
