Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize