I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
