she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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