Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
