Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Mom said you looked used
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
