margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
