Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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