walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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