please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize