even my farts smell like vagina
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
