Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
