He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
