Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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