know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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