I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
