Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
