In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
