i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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