Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
