ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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