Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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