Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
